Hi 2015

I think this is a late new year greeting frm me. haha. but its ok. i still wishing all the best for the new year. and as usual, this is the place that i like to throw up all my unsatisfaction and all the negative feelings. but i really hope that, this year, i will write more about the good and happiness.

Early of the February, I finally gt my first posting  and when i was informed the place, i was totally in confuse. But with the blessings, I have settled down and still trying to adapt to the new environment. I hv met nice people who hv lent their helpful hands in guiding me and to ease my feelings with this strange and new environment. I know there are people who are facing the same situations with me and also people who even gt to encounter worst than me. and am always trying to convince myself that everything will be fine and i always believe He have a great plan for me ahead. 

Stepping into my new stage of life, i realised that life is always unpredictable fulled with challenges and sometimes, you have to make "emergency break" to stop or pause, to look back or maybe hv to be more conscious on the next step. that's y, we often take a long time to think and make careful decisions. however, i also noticed that, i dun have much time to do that, as years by years, i have to pursue the things that i want, the dream that i dream while am capable to do it. I always tell my dad, if its not now, when? yes, if not now, when? so, do when u can do, and trying to leave ur life with little regrets.

Relationship. I think I am not in my best time right now to find my soul mate. I have other priorities than this. It is time to give myself a break, a holidays to enjoy my single life. Single doesnt make you lonely but over thinking will. so, always remember our family and the Almighty. Always be grateful and try to avoid yourself from getting the feelings of hatreds, jealousy and evilness. Life is short and live it to the fullest. i might not be the prettiest, the ladiest,  the cutest, the speakers but i am always who i am. 

i think it is not too late to wish all my readers a very Happy New year And Happy Chinese New Year. May God bless always.

应酬

还没出来社会真正打工，就已经开始应酬了。以前总觉得应酬很麻烦。到现在，我还是觉得一样。我不太喜欢应酬，因为要应酬别人，委屈自己。可是，最近这几年，我都在练习着应酬。应酬啊，自己还是输给了面子及那些人际关系。想要避免却没的逃。可叫我情何以堪啊。

如果有一天，我离开

如果有一天，我离开，

如果可以不要再找回我。

不要在试图挽留。

因为，

你要记得曾经爱你的那个我，

那么爱你的那个我，

当初是多么的舍不得，

就算有过几次不开心，

还是不会放弃待在你身边。

因为，

我要珍惜。

我在学会珍惜。

但是，

如果有一天，我离开，

就证明了，

我的不舍得，舍不得，

在你的心里，

原来一文不值。

爱，

或许在你的心里住过。

也许，

他在什么时候从你的心里搬了出来。

我的努力，

你没看见。

我的期待，

你没看见。

或许，

你，

根本不想看见，听见。

我只想告诉你，

如果有一天，我离开。

我。。。

会永远的离开。

The Years

The years that I have gone through, neither too easy nor too hard.
All this while, I think am a strong girl, in and out.
Certainly, there were times where things or ppl around me really put me down.
But, eventually, I was able to stand up and said "What the hell is this? I am strong girl. I no need things to put me down, I mean, there is nothing to stop me."
However, deep inside my heart, I wish I am REALLY A STRONG GIRL.
Things turned up like far beyond my expectation.
I was too arrogant that I think I was able to get through or gain everything that I wanted in my life.
But LIFE seemed  not to be defined in this way.
The years that I have spent, the works that I done, the efforts that I paid , the joy that I gained and the tears that I shed suddenly meant nothing to me at this moment.
Maybe you will ask me why? I have come to this far and only left few months to go. I am conscious about the situation. I know I shouldn't give up. I know. Rationally thinking, I know what should I do after this. But, the disappointment and grief  are things that I couldn't bear. I am ashamed with myself. I blamed no one but myself. My heart is now taking over my brain. I can't think properly. I am totally in LOST!
Reflection, reflection and endless of reflection. I am not the best but honestly speaking I am not the worst as well. Thanks God, there is another chance, the LAST CHANCE for me to change everything. I wish to get myself back soon. And I really WISH for that!
I am just a human. I bleed whenever I fall down.
and I am praying to GOD that, keep giving me strength and wisdom to continue this journey, now and forever.
#keepcalmandfight#iamafighter

Maybe and after all, is maybe

I am a type of person who has so much doubts in my life.

I didn't like to over think of something but I always DO.

Even though I often make quick decision regardless of the consequences, I do think of it sometimes.

And dreams that I dreamt recently, made me ponder for awhile...maybe..not awhile.

I have no ideas on how these dreams supposed to be interpreted (*too much AR)..or maybe after all, it is just a dream. My bestie said, it might be a sign. Yeah, maybe. But signs to what?

I am confused.

Sometimes, I just pray that these weird dreams would not come to me again. Coz, most of the times, it turns up so real that I would need a slap! 

So tired to think of these things again and again.

Feeling like nothing

Feeling like am nothing to u.
=)

Tired

Sometime, I just like to keep silent.
It does not mean that I am rude.
I just want to peace myself from this hectic life,at least, a while.

Can't you see am forcing myself to smile and give response to you?
Can't you see it?
Don't say it.
I believe you nvr realise it.
Coz, 
you only care for yourself.
I know this is the way how you bring yourself in front of ppl, including me.
Don't give me dumb excuses like " I only act like this infront of you."
So what?
Do I have to gv you like " awww, really? " what do you expect?

Seriously,
I know , I know.
But did you know about me?
My feelings?
Ever thought about how your words, your actions affect someone's feelings?
Please be matured and grown up.
I am tired for being treating you like a kid.
I don't spoil ppl, for your information.
When I am nice to you, please appreciate.
And when I don't, I mean it.
I have the limits. As you knw it. and you shud know it now!

I don't like holding grudge towards someone.That's not me. But please,
respect others, like how you respect yourself.
RESPECT!!!!