如果有一天，我离开

如果有一天，我离开，

如果可以不要再找回我。

不要在试图挽留。

因为，

你要记得曾经爱你的那个我，

那么爱你的那个我，

当初是多么的舍不得，

就算有过几次不开心，

还是不会放弃待在你身边。

因为，

我要珍惜。

我在学会珍惜。

但是，

如果有一天，我离开，

就证明了，

我的不舍得，舍不得，

在你的心里，

原来一文不值。

爱，

或许在你的心里住过。

也许，

他在什么时候从你的心里搬了出来。

我的努力，

你没看见。

我的期待，

你没看见。

或许，

你，

根本不想看见，听见。

我只想告诉你，

如果有一天，我离开。

我。。。

会永远的离开。

The Years

The years that I have gone through, neither too easy nor too hard.
All this while, I think am a strong girl, in and out.
Certainly, there were times where things or ppl around me really put me down.
But, eventually, I was able to stand up and said "What the hell is this? I am strong girl. I no need things to put me down, I mean, there is nothing to stop me."
However, deep inside my heart, I wish I am REALLY A STRONG GIRL.
Things turned up like far beyond my expectation.
I was too arrogant that I think I was able to get through or gain everything that I wanted in my life.
But LIFE seemed  not to be defined in this way.
The years that I have spent, the works that I done, the efforts that I paid , the joy that I gained and the tears that I shed suddenly meant nothing to me at this moment.
Maybe you will ask me why? I have come to this far and only left few months to go. I am conscious about the situation. I know I shouldn't give up. I know. Rationally thinking, I know what should I do after this. But, the disappointment and grief  are things that I couldn't bear. I am ashamed with myself. I blamed no one but myself. My heart is now taking over my brain. I can't think properly. I am totally in LOST!
Reflection, reflection and endless of reflection. I am not the best but honestly speaking I am not the worst as well. Thanks God, there is another chance, the LAST CHANCE for me to change everything. I wish to get myself back soon. And I really WISH for that!
I am just a human. I bleed whenever I fall down.
and I am praying to GOD that, keep giving me strength and wisdom to continue this journey, now and forever.
#keepcalmandfight#iamafighter

Maybe and after all, is maybe

I am a type of person who has so much doubts in my life.

I didn't like to over think of something but I always DO.

Even though I often make quick decision regardless of the consequences, I do think of it sometimes.

And dreams that I dreamt recently, made me ponder for awhile...maybe..not awhile.

I have no ideas on how these dreams supposed to be interpreted (*too much AR)..or maybe after all, it is just a dream. My bestie said, it might be a sign. Yeah, maybe. But signs to what?

I am confused.

Sometimes, I just pray that these weird dreams would not come to me again. Coz, most of the times, it turns up so real that I would need a slap! 

So tired to think of these things again and again.

Feeling like nothing

Feeling like am nothing to u.
=)

Tired

Sometime, I just like to keep silent.
It does not mean that I am rude.
I just want to peace myself from this hectic life,at least, a while.

Can't you see am forcing myself to smile and give response to you?
Can't you see it?
Don't say it.
I believe you nvr realise it.
Coz, 
you only care for yourself.
I know this is the way how you bring yourself in front of ppl, including me.
Don't give me dumb excuses like " I only act like this infront of you."
So what?
Do I have to gv you like " awww, really? " what do you expect?

Seriously,
I know , I know.
But did you know about me?
My feelings?
Ever thought about how your words, your actions affect someone's feelings?
Please be matured and grown up.
I am tired for being treating you like a kid.
I don't spoil ppl, for your information.
When I am nice to you, please appreciate.
And when I don't, I mean it.
I have the limits. As you knw it. and you shud know it now!

I don't like holding grudge towards someone.That's not me. But please,
respect others, like how you respect yourself.
RESPECT!!!!

这个年头

这个年头，过的有点累。

总会想些有的没的。

总会很讨厌自己，很讨厌自己，很讨厌很讨厌自己！！！！

有时候，真的好像一个人静一静。

回到以前那样，

一个人的。

我有心事，

可以跟我最亲的人说。

可是现在，

只有我一个人懂。

正慢慢习惯一个人，

因为太多事情的发生，

让我看清楚了你，

也看清楚我自己。

原来，

我是那么的不堪一击。

我明白，

我做的这些也许对我们不公平。

可是，

也希望你能明白，

我的苦衷。

所谓无风不起浪。

一个巴掌实拍不响的。

我不是你想象中那么好。

我也有邪恶的一面。

我很自私，

我很无情。

我。。。。也只是平凡人一个。

别把我想得太完美。

那真的是罪过，罪过。

我们不可能像以前那样了。

失去的天真，

那些笑容，

那些时光。

都被锁在时间的轮里。

只能在伤感的时候，拿来回忆，回忆。

人生本来就是这么一回事。

没有人注定要跟谁白头到老，

也没有人注定要跟谁仇恨到底。

尼玛，

我留给我自己的时间都不够了，

那还有闲情去管你妹的事。

滚边去~~~

我很羡慕傻瓜，因为他们什么都不懂。

是真的什么都不懂~~

所谓，才能那么放肆的笑，去做让自己快乐的事。

我也是傻瓜，

就是给了你机会伤害我自己。

有人说，

找个你爱的人，

好过找个爱你的人。

我开始相信这句话了。

因为，

女人，始终都要被人疼的。

所以，

现在开始，

我不再爱我爱的人了。

我爱,

爱我的人。

 

Hopeless

It's proven again.
Yes, I won't trust you anymore.
And Yes, I won't trust you all anymore.
You all are the same.

And u broke my heart again and again.
When I started to build trust on you,
you destroy it again and again.
and eventually,
You don't deserve my trust anymore.

Thanks for making me who I am today.
The one that standing right infront you.

Everything that touch certainly will die.
Everything that come sure will go away one day.
As I always say, time passes, things change, people too.

And yes, I am a fool. But I have learnt. Thank you for everything. 

#MoveOn.