Friday, August 22, 2014

The Years

The years that I have gone through, neither too easy nor too hard.
All this while, I think am a strong girl, in and out.
Certainly, there were times where things or ppl around me really put me down.
But, eventually, I was able to stand up and said "What the hell is this? I am strong girl. I no need things to put me down, I mean, there is nothing to stop me."
However, deep inside my heart, I wish I am REALLY A STRONG GIRL.
Things turned up like far beyond my expectation.
I was too arrogant that I think I was able to get through or gain everything that I wanted in my life.
But LIFE seemed  not to be defined in this way.
The years that I have spent, the works that I done, the efforts that I paid , the joy that I gained and the tears that I shed suddenly meant nothing to me at this moment.
Maybe you will ask me why? I have come to this far and only left few months to go. I am conscious about the situation. I know I shouldn't give up. I know. Rationally thinking, I know what should I do after this. But, the disappointment and grief  are things that I couldn't bear. I am ashamed with myself. I blamed no one but myself. My heart is now taking over my brain. I can't think properly. I am totally in LOST!
Reflection, reflection and endless of reflection. I am not the best but honestly speaking I am not the worst as well. Thanks God, there is another chance, the LAST CHANCE for me to change everything. I wish to get myself back soon. And I really WISH for that!
I am just a human. I bleed whenever I fall down.
and I am praying to GOD that, keep giving me strength and wisdom to continue this journey, now and forever.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Maybe and after all, is maybe

I am a type of person who has so much doubts in my life.
I didn't like to over think of something but I always DO.
Even though I often make quick decision regardless of the consequences, I do think of it sometimes.
And dreams that I dreamt recently, made me ponder for awhile...maybe..not awhile.

I have no ideas on how these dreams supposed to be interpreted (*too much AR)..or maybe after all, it is just a dream. My bestie said, it might be a sign. Yeah, maybe. But signs to what?
I am confused.
Sometimes, I just pray that these weird dreams would not come to me again. Coz, most of the times, it turns up so real that I would need a slap! 

So tired to think of these things again and again.