应酬

还没出来社会真正打工，就已经开始应酬了。以前总觉得应酬很麻烦。到现在，我还是觉得一样。我不太喜欢应酬，因为要应酬别人，委屈自己。可是，最近这几年，我都在练习着应酬。应酬啊，自己还是输给了面子及那些人际关系。想要避免却没的逃。可叫我情何以堪啊。

如果有一天，我离开

如果有一天，我离开，

如果可以不要再找回我。

不要在试图挽留。

因为，

你要记得曾经爱你的那个我，

那么爱你的那个我，

当初是多么的舍不得，

就算有过几次不开心，

还是不会放弃待在你身边。

因为，

我要珍惜。

我在学会珍惜。

但是，

如果有一天，我离开，

就证明了，

我的不舍得，舍不得，

在你的心里，

原来一文不值。

爱，

或许在你的心里住过。

也许，

他在什么时候从你的心里搬了出来。

我的努力，

你没看见。

我的期待，

你没看见。

或许，

你，

根本不想看见，听见。

我只想告诉你，

如果有一天，我离开。

我。。。

会永远的离开。

The Years

The years that I have gone through, neither too easy nor too hard.
All this while, I think am a strong girl, in and out.
Certainly, there were times where things or ppl around me really put me down.
But, eventually, I was able to stand up and said "What the hell is this? I am strong girl. I no need things to put me down, I mean, there is nothing to stop me."
However, deep inside my heart, I wish I am REALLY A STRONG GIRL.
Things turned up like far beyond my expectation.
I was too arrogant that I think I was able to get through or gain everything that I wanted in my life.
But LIFE seemed  not to be defined in this way.
The years that I have spent, the works that I done, the efforts that I paid , the joy that I gained and the tears that I shed suddenly meant nothing to me at this moment.
Maybe you will ask me why? I have come to this far and only left few months to go. I am conscious about the situation. I know I shouldn't give up. I know. Rationally thinking, I know what should I do after this. But, the disappointment and grief  are things that I couldn't bear. I am ashamed with myself. I blamed no one but myself. My heart is now taking over my brain. I can't think properly. I am totally in LOST!
Reflection, reflection and endless of reflection. I am not the best but honestly speaking I am not the worst as well. Thanks God, there is another chance, the LAST CHANCE for me to change everything. I wish to get myself back soon. And I really WISH for that!
I am just a human. I bleed whenever I fall down.
and I am praying to GOD that, keep giving me strength and wisdom to continue this journey, now and forever.
#keepcalmandfight#iamafighter

Maybe and after all, is maybe

I am a type of person who has so much doubts in my life.

I didn't like to over think of something but I always DO.

Even though I often make quick decision regardless of the consequences, I do think of it sometimes.

And dreams that I dreamt recently, made me ponder for awhile...maybe..not awhile.

I have no ideas on how these dreams supposed to be interpreted (*too much AR)..or maybe after all, it is just a dream. My bestie said, it might be a sign. Yeah, maybe. But signs to what?

I am confused.

Sometimes, I just pray that these weird dreams would not come to me again. Coz, most of the times, it turns up so real that I would need a slap! 

So tired to think of these things again and again.

Feeling like nothing

Feeling like am nothing to u.
=)

Tired

Sometime, I just like to keep silent.
It does not mean that I am rude.
I just want to peace myself from this hectic life,at least, a while.

Can't you see am forcing myself to smile and give response to you?
Can't you see it?
Don't say it.
I believe you nvr realise it.
Coz, 
you only care for yourself.
I know this is the way how you bring yourself in front of ppl, including me.
Don't give me dumb excuses like " I only act like this infront of you."
So what?
Do I have to gv you like " awww, really? " what do you expect?

Seriously,
I know , I know.
But did you know about me?
My feelings?
Ever thought about how your words, your actions affect someone's feelings?
Please be matured and grown up.
I am tired for being treating you like a kid.
I don't spoil ppl, for your information.
When I am nice to you, please appreciate.
And when I don't, I mean it.
I have the limits. As you knw it. and you shud know it now!

I don't like holding grudge towards someone.That's not me. But please,
respect others, like how you respect yourself.
RESPECT!!!!

这个年头

这个年头，过的有点累。

总会想些有的没的。

总会很讨厌自己，很讨厌自己，很讨厌很讨厌自己！！！！

有时候，真的好像一个人静一静。

回到以前那样，

一个人的。

我有心事，

可以跟我最亲的人说。

可是现在，

只有我一个人懂。

正慢慢习惯一个人，

因为太多事情的发生，

让我看清楚了你，

也看清楚我自己。

原来，

我是那么的不堪一击。

我明白，

我做的这些也许对我们不公平。

可是，

也希望你能明白，

我的苦衷。

所谓无风不起浪。

一个巴掌实拍不响的。

我不是你想象中那么好。

我也有邪恶的一面。

我很自私，

我很无情。

我。。。。也只是平凡人一个。

别把我想得太完美。

那真的是罪过，罪过。

我们不可能像以前那样了。

失去的天真，

那些笑容，

那些时光。

都被锁在时间的轮里。

只能在伤感的时候，拿来回忆，回忆。

人生本来就是这么一回事。

没有人注定要跟谁白头到老，

也没有人注定要跟谁仇恨到底。

尼玛，

我留给我自己的时间都不够了，

那还有闲情去管你妹的事。

滚边去~~~

我很羡慕傻瓜，因为他们什么都不懂。

是真的什么都不懂~~

所谓，才能那么放肆的笑，去做让自己快乐的事。

我也是傻瓜，

就是给了你机会伤害我自己。

有人说，

找个你爱的人，

好过找个爱你的人。

我开始相信这句话了。

因为，

女人，始终都要被人疼的。

所以，

现在开始，

我不再爱我爱的人了。

我爱,

爱我的人。

 

Hopeless

It's proven again.
Yes, I won't trust you anymore.
And Yes, I won't trust you all anymore.
You all are the same.

And u broke my heart again and again.
When I started to build trust on you,
you destroy it again and again.
and eventually,
You don't deserve my trust anymore.

Thanks for making me who I am today.
The one that standing right infront you.

Everything that touch certainly will die.
Everything that come sure will go away one day.
As I always say, time passes, things change, people too.

And yes, I am a fool. But I have learnt. Thank you for everything. 

#MoveOn.

Now then, I realised. Thank you.

I admit I thk a lot and it put me on bad mood sometimes.
But by thinking, am able to reflect esp on myself.

This year just started and I could sense the tense of the upcoming days.
Day by day, 
I learn something new.
Day by day,
I realise who they are.
Day by day,
I realise who I am.

and finally, I understand how things work.

We are forced to change. Nothing is going to be the same, like always. 
Things come and definitely will go someday.
I always think that we come to this world as a loner,
and will back to ground as lones as well.
So, I started not to care much. Believe me, the more you care, the more you get hurt. It nvr fail.
We are just human and we often forget that we are just human.
Don't expect too high on others, but yourself.
The most and only valuable asset that everyone possesses is himself/herself.
So, love ourselves more. Listen to our heart rather than ppl voice.

Now then I realised,
we are not the same anymore.
We argue, we fight, but all in silence.
You know what? Silence, in fact, is the loudest cry of a woman.

To make things look good, stay perfect. We choose to avoid telling our feelings, our thoughts. 
Because, its seemed so wrong to ruin the prefectioness. 
I know what I know, but I am not sure if am supposed to know.
And for sure, I have no ideas on others knowings as am not interested.
I miss the old me. When I totally could get myself out from all the rumours and gossips. 
The insensitivity towards others. That's part of me.

Don't...

tell

love

trust

too much.

Ultimately, we are the one will get hurt. 

#Tiredwiththisnonsenseworld#

Appreciate, now.

Seize the moment now.
and be grateful with what we have.
The future is too far for us to think about. The uncertainty.

Thank you my love. =)

The truth

The more that I discover about human,
the more that I love dogs. 

#peoplechangeBUThopeneverfade#

或许这就是成长的滋味

过了一个年，好像瞬间长大了。
知道了一些事情，
其实一点也不好过。

难道这就是长大的滋味？

对于去年一整年来说，我是过得不错的了。

家人都很好，
我也很好。

虽然，感情一直空窗，但是我还是过得很好。

经历了一些事之后，才会发现自己要的是什么。
过去的懵懂无知，造就了今天的我。

有些事，是怎么学，也学不会个精通。
那些课本没写的，我们都得一一去发现，去亲身体会。
体验人生。
人生是无常的，是无奈的，无理的，
但是，
地球还是照样转，日子还是得过。
我很常在想，如果我一直的这样想下去，什么时候才会是尽头?
 以前很爱找答案，总觉得任何事情都得有个解释，交代。
随着时间飞逝，我才渐渐明白不是每件事都有答案，
 是自己无法释怀，无法交代的是对自己的心。
拿得起，总得学习放下。
如果每件事都爱转牛角尖，都得把事事看的彻底，
那么， 我们并不会快乐。
知道越多，并不代表会明白更多。甚至有时候，只会增加对对方的猜测。
多余的猜疑，会让人很痛苦。
而往往痛的只有一个人知道而已，那就是自己。
而为何要和自己过不去？

我在学习。我的人生还很长。
我在学习，如何面对生活的种种。
那些快乐和不快乐，
那些真相和谎言，
那些善良和恶意，
那些爱与不爱。

人生有两条路要走。
一条，是必须走的。
而另一条，是我们想走的。
我们必须把必须走的，走完，
才可以把那条想走的，走的漂亮。

人生没有绝对的黑与白，
却有着灰色地带。
放宽心看世界，
会比较好过点。
毕竟

Happy happy new year!!!

Happy New Year to all! yeah, its 2014!and this is my first post of the year. It'd been awhile I din update my blog as I was away for my hols. Hahaha.Hols is meant for doing nothing and RELAX (awesome) well, at least I spent more quality time with my family esp with my dad.

Yes, its new year. Want to do some throwback?(feeling meeehhh). I thk I have lost some memories about 2013(the fact that am getting older*sigh) anyway, I have good time in 2013 even though encountered some conflicts. But well, it is a part of our lives. 

As the time passes, I realised I have grown up. I mean I have to. Although no big issues or cases happened in the past few years, those little and minor things have tought me a lot. 

As for 2014, the year of horse (ma year), I don't expect much on it. For me, a new year  means another chance for me to reflect on myself and do better in next time. Since it is the final year for my study, I believe that I need to work hard to the max and enjoy it to the fullest! hehehe

Thanks 2013 and thank you God for everything! For blessing and loving my family, me and my friends. 

A BIG BIG BIG THANK YOU!!! Being positive is always wonderful~~~It makes life less miserable. Be grateful for everything you have. Time do no wait and nth is eternal. Carpe diem. 


2014, ai ni yi shi. (love you forever).
Wishing that this year will continue be a good or better year for me.
 To my family and friends,
All all the best! and stay healthy (seriously)
and
always be happy~~^_^

#timepassesthingschangeButlearningdoesnotstop

~Have a nice weekends~